GUEST COMMENTARY: Regretting Your Regrets - aftermarketNews

GUEST COMMENTARY: Regretting Your Regrets

"Regrets we have accumulated can be transformed into realizations of wisdom and enlightened leadership," writes Dr. John Passante. "Knowledge is learning from our experience each day; wisdom is listening and learning from others."

We have all heard the statement, “The person who dies with the most toys wins.” The truth is, most of us are collectors – of things. I would like to offer another point of view, “The person who dies with the fewest regrets wins!”
 
The mission we all have as leaders and human beings is to look back on our lives and take joy in the opportunities we seized and the positive difference we have made to others.
 
It’s important to view the concept of regret as useful. When we feel guilty and embarrassed by what we do, we are motivated to undo any wrongful things we did and make better, more careful decisions in the future. Regret is unavoidable because there are opportunity costs for every choice made.
 
"When you select a path, you immediately forfeit other choices and their benefits.” – Dr. Todd B. Kashdan, associate professor of psychology at George Mason University
 
Each of us are placed in situations that require us to stand up and be counted and to do the right thing. I must even admit there were times that I came up short. Indeed, leadership can be lonely and many times we face adversity by ourselves. This takes courage and character, and these decisions may lead to regrets.
 
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sail.” – Mark Twain, American author
 
This quote causes me to believe that regrets are worse than a failure. However, regrets can be an emotional response to a failure. When we have the time for some personal introspection, I suspect the following regrets may surface:
 
· I regret not having the courage to live a life that was true to myself.
· I wish I had expressed my emotions more.
· I wish that I were more reflective.
· I wish that I were more sensitive to the people side of business.
· I wish I had listened more.
· I wish I had given more credit to others.
· I wish I had confronted the bad guys sooner.
 
Life is indeed short.
 
It is more than okay for leaders to be happy. Perhaps it sounds trite. It has been my experience that happy leaders make better decisions and have fewer regrets, and happier and productive employees.
 
A leader with the fewest professional regrets practices the following:
· They spend energy on optimizing employees strengths rather than trying to fix their weaknesses.
· They build bridges in the organizations not walls.
· They listen and learn each day!
· They learn to be unforgiving to those who let them down.
· They hire the best talent and value differences.
· They are the real “authentic” deal.
· They acknowledge their mistakes and fix them.
 
“Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but to see quickly how to make them good.” – Bertolt Drecht, German playwright
 
Perhaps this is a little heavy, but I subscribe to the notion that the meaning of life and leadership is to make a positive impact on others each day. Dismissing leadership regrets entails having a purpose each day, doing worthwhile things and addressing on unresolved issues.
 
A leader with fewer regrets establishes a high standard for themselves as well as for others. Being a person on a mission is their mantra. They take the time to know their employees, to understand them, to appreciate what is important to them and to calibrate that they are with the leader.
 
Leading without regret is following your heart. To live a complete life, a leader decides how they will live. Laughter is a key ingredient of the regret-free leader.
 
A regret-free leader does not envy others and is grateful for who they are. Sharing is the spice of life and sharing happiness increases happiness. It is okay to show the people in your life how much you care and to treat them like gold. Encouraging others is bigger than any bank account.
 
Grudges and Regrets
As a Sicilian, I know firsthand about grudges. “Grudges are a dish best served cold,” my father used to say. Grudges and regrets are members of the same family. They weigh us down and are chains that clink and clank like Marley’s ghost from "A Christmas Carol." Let go of grudges, they can kill you! Learning to forgive is good medicine! As leaders mature, they tend to become eager to shed their regrets and grudges. Gandhi taught us all how to forgive. Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that tie up energy and destroy creativity. The leader with the least regrets is an architect, a builder, a dreamer and realizes fairness. They also understand that revenge is not justice – doing the right thing is!
 
The key is inspiring the future and remembering the past. To live a life of fewer regrets, a leader must make decisions with both their mind and heart. They must view mistakes as lessons learned, and look at positives as gains from pain (not easy). We must all trust our life’s journey and what we experience.
 
“Regrets are visitors in the guest house of the mind. They come and go like all feelings.” – Rebecca Tighe
 
It is paramount each day to remember, “Every day is another day to change your life.” – Unknown
 
The good news is that time is on our side (so far). It is okay to ask for forgiveness and to make amends. Forgive yourself! Accept the circumstances and take responsibility for your actions (and words).
 
Acknowledge what you have gained and learned. Live your life without regret. Don’t be someone who people will forget!
 
Regrets we have accumulated can be transformed into realizations of wisdom and enlightened leadership. Knowledge is learning from our experience each day; wisdom is listening and learning from others.
 
We all need knowledge and wisdom on the journey called life.
 

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