Somewhere along the way, most of us have bought the idea that part of our Job At The Top is to get mad … “Mad as Hell!” … when things go wrong. Maybe because that’s what we’ve seen our predecessors do. Or it’s what’s on TV. Or, maybe because we think it’ll discourage people from letting us down again. 
Sorry. They’re all wrong!
And it can have particularly damaging effects if getting mad, or even signaling your disappointment, is something you do often.
Because, every time you lose it, you lose more than your cool. Lose your cool, and you lose respect. Lose your cool, and you lose trust. Lose your cool, and you lose commitment … from those you need most to help you achieve your intentions.
A favorite thinker from the late 1800s described bad humor as “… the noxious bubble that escapes occasionally to the surface, and evidences something rotten below!”
Think about the past two weeks. How many times did you signal disappointment in someone else’s effort or, worse, “lose it?” Early in my career a dear mentor and Harvard business professor told me while returning together from a consulting assignment, “Whenever the boss has a bad day, everyone else has two.”
If you have three a week, add it up! Your organization won’t give you their all because they are scared of you. They’ll only make that kind of commitment if they trust you. Respect you. And know you care as much about them as you do about yourself. Organizations read volatility as the direct opposite of all those attributes.
So, what’s your alternative? Even when things go particularly badly?
Assemble the relevant team. Signal thoughtfulness, not anger. Calm restraint. Asking questions to understand where things went wrong. And to determine the best path forward. Forget about ascribing blame … for a while.
Once things settle down … at least a few day later … talk one-on-one with the key players in the shortfall. Still seeking to understand. When the failure is a repeated mistake, or if the error is egregious enough, terminate the responsible party. Quietly. Announcing only that someone has departed and how you’ll cover the void.
No hard feelings. No macho. No guilt. No residue. Then, get back to the job of encouraging your team.
